Memoir Writing Insights From Kathleen Pooler and Pat Mckinzie

This special Thursday post continues the conversation on memoir writing and coincides with a post on Kathy Pooler’s blog @ http://krpooler.com. Kathy is one of my guests today and she is joined by Pat Mckinzie of X-Pat Files from Overseas and author of the memoir, Home Sweet Hardwood. Pat is also the guest at Kathy’s blog today! Please join me in welcoming these two awesome memoirists to clara54’s writer’s blog.

Kathy, Pat’s journey to writing her “truths” is well documented in her new memoir, Home Sweet Hardwood, so I’ll ask you to share a bit about your passion for writing.

Kathy- For years, like many others, I have felt I have had a book inside me. I have enjoyed writing since I was about ten years old when I wrote plays for my maternal grandmother, Nan and all her little Italian lady friends. I can still see them gathered in the living room sipping coffee and chattering on in Italian. I never understood a word but can still feel their fascination and loving attention as they hushed each other when I stood in the archway to announce the play would begin. I have kept a journal since I received my first pink diary with a lock and key at the age of eleven. Several years ago, when I looked back on my life and realized the life of joy I was living despite the many obstacles I had faced, I felt the need to share how the power of hope through my faith has worked in my life. I have a story of survival, resilience, hope and overcoming obstacles that I feel others may benefit from. I feel deeply connected to this intent in my writing. Since Nursing was my career for forty-four years until I retired in 2011, I knew I needed to spend time learning about the art and craft of writing. In 2009, I joined The National Association of Memoir Writers, participated in ongoing memoir writing workshops, attended regional workshops and national writing conferences and started a blog. I began by writing vignettes that I eventually shaped into a story.

How much is too much information when writing for this genre or is there such a thing?

Pat- Yes, there can be too many side stories. Each time I worked with a different agent or editor, I redrafted the manuscript to fit their demands. The central theme is about a girl fighting for the right to participate in competitive sport as a first generation Title IX athlete (amendment to Civil Rights Act mandating equal opportunities for all regardless of race or gender in all public educational institutes), but within the basketball story is a story about sisterhood, family bonds, and falling in love with a foreigner. Home Sweet Hardwood reflects on the compromises women make for love, family and career and challenges stereotypes of gender, race and nationality.

Kathy-The details that move the story along and support the theme of your story are what should be included. These details need to serve a purpose in the story. Details not related to the theme can serve to distract the reader. There is also an axiom in writing, “less is more” so judicious use of details should keep the reader engaged and not distracted. I’d like to add that I feel it is very important to write with intention and with a commitment to the truth as you remember it. Equally important is to be careful not to intentionally disparage others. Sometimes the facts of the person’s behavior speak for themselves. In my opinion, seeking legal counsel in writing memoir is essential because the actions of other people are an important part of our story. That’s a whole other discussion but I intend to seek legal counsel before I publish.

Talk about the process itself. Were there times when you just wanted to throw in the towel and say, “forget about it”?

Pat- ”Absolutely. Each time I got closer and then ultimately rejected by publishing houses, I felt a piece of myself die. I finally realized that it was more painful not to write, then to write and be rejected. Writing allows me to process life. I also didn’t know how I could possibly market a work for an American audience while living in Europe. Internet made publishing a whole new ball game.
How important is it to have a mentor or writing buddy or coach when you take on such a big project? My sister is a godsend. She has believed in me always. I also draw strength from fellow writers, like both of you. When I was scribbling my stories alone in a Parisian studio, I was driven by the illusions of youth. Later, the reality set in, I became jaded. The fact that others believed in me when I doubted myself has made all the difference.

Kathy- For me, the process has been like peeling on onion. Just when I think I’m done, a new layer of my story unfolds without much prodding on my part. The story reveals itself in the writing. When I get stuck, I do a free write in my journal. I know the story I set out to write three years ago is not the story I am writing now. In fact, after two rounds of edits by a professional editor, I have gained clarity on my story and recently , this has meant going in a different direction. I have many vignettes that will still be part of my story but I will structure it differently. I have used a combination of outlining and story boarding to help plot out my story structure. I also have had several beta readers who are memoir authors provide me with feedback on where I need to go with my next draft. And yes, I have had fleeting moments of wondering if it is worth it. But, the moments don’t last long because the passion I feel to tell my story is deeply-rooted and won’t let me rest!.

What were some ‘aha’ moments of advice that stuck with you while writing your memoirs and what advice would you ladies give to aspiring memoirists?

Pat- Never give up. That has been my life mantra. The obstacles I faced as a pioneer in the women’s sport are like the challenges people face in the pursuit of any dream. The lessons I learned through sports – practice, discipline, perseverance – carried over to help my reach my writing goals. I also had more than my fair share of injuries, accidents and illness, but that too helped shape me as writer and luckily, I had a day job to help pay the rent.
Don’t take rejection personally. In any art you are expressing yourself but in memoir, you are not only exposing your craft, you are revealing your soul.

Kathy- The best advice I can offer that has come from my collective experience of writing and working with many fine memoir teachers and authors is to honor the story within and keep writing. Writing a memoir is a healing process as painful memories are unearthed and explored. It involves not just the recollection of memories but also the reflection and introspection on the impact those memories and events have on the person you have become. We need to show the growth and change that has occurred so that the reader can connect to their own experiences and transformation. That’s what I mean when I say writing with intention- show growth, overcoming obstacles, transformation. Memoir writing has a trans-formative potential when the reader sees his/her own story reflected in the experience of others, Both the writer and the reader are changed. That is the healing power of memoir.

How important is it to have a mentor or writing buddy or coach when you take on such a big project?

Kathy- Extremely important. In fact, I did a blog post in December, 2012 recognizing three of my memoir mentors. It is important to learn the basics of writing craft, the specifics of the genre you are writing and to have the ongoing support and feedback about your writing from mentors and writing buddies. Being open to constructive feedback about your writing is key to improving your writing and taking it to the next level.

Pat- My sister is a godsend. She has believed in me always. I also draw strength from fellow writers, like both of you. When I was scribbling my stories alone in a Parisian studio, I was driven by the illusions of youth. Later, the reality set in, I became jaded. The fact that others believed in me when I doubted myself has made all the difference.

Kathy, you’ve completed the first draft to your memoir in progress. You must be breathing a sigh of relief.

Kathy- Actually , I will be when I finalize this next version of my first draft! Memoir writing is definitely a process that takes time, patience, perseverance. It is important to take the time to write it right and I expect I will know when it is ready to be launched. I’m sure Pat can address that.

Congratulations on being chosen to speak at the 2014 University Of Wisconsin-Stevens Point Athletics Tournament for girls, Pat. Explain what that honor means for the layperson like me, but, more importantly, how you’re feeling right about now.

Pat- Ahhh, March Madness, to reach the NCAA Final Four Tournament is ultimate experience for college athletes. They call it the Big Dance. When I left the states in the infancy of women’s sport, the Association for Intercollegiate Athletics for Women (AIAW 1971-1983) fought for the rights of women’s and the NCAA opposed those efforts. And Clara as you well know, laws don’t automatically change attitudes. It wasn’t until the government threatened sanctions against any public educational institute not complying with Title IX that the NCAA stepped in and took over.
I was a good ball player, but not the best, certainly not the Michael Jordan of women’s basketball, but my story captures the depth of emotion of woman moving in man’s world, of how an ordinary small-town girl followed her dream from the cornfields of Illinois to the City of Lights and kept fighting in spite of obstacles.
I am excited about the opportunity to speak even though I don’t feel comfortable talking about myself. Women’s stories have been left out of the history books, so I have to rise to the occasion because I feel like I have been given a voice for an unsung generation of heroes who led the way for our highflying daughters of today.

Any after thoughts or information you all would like to share with our readers?

Kathy- Keep writing and sharing your stories. Think of your story as a gift to yourself and your readers.

Pat-Embrace life with open arms and take advantage of any opportunity to learn. I quit taking French in high school cause I thought I’ll never use it. Go figure. I married a Frenchman.
I dropped out of creative writing in college cause I really thought I had no talent. Then I taught myself to write while living in foreign countries where all the books were all in French or German.

This has been a blast! Wasn’t my guests awesome? How do you feel about writing your memoir?

Kathleen Pooler is a writer and a retired Family Nurse Practitioner who is working on a memoir and a sequel about how the power of hope through her faith in God has helped her to transform, heal and transcend life’s obstacles and disappointments: domestic abuse, divorce, single parenting, loving and letting go of an alcoholic son, cancer and heart failure to live a life of joy and contentment. She believes that hope matters and that we are all strengthened and enlightened when we share our stories.
She blogs weekly at her Memoir Writer’s Journey blog: http://krpooler.com and can be found on Twitter @kathypooler and on LinkedIn, Google+, Goodreads and Facebook: Kathleen Pooler
One of her stories “The Stone on the Shore” is published in the anthology: “The Woman I’ve Become: 37 Women Share Their Journeys From Toxic Relationships to Self-Empowerment” by Pat LaPointe, 2012.
Another story: “Choices and Chances” is published in the mini-anthology: “My Gutsy Story” by Sonia Marsh, 2012.

To pick up your copy of Pat Mckinzie’s new memoir, Home Sweet Hardwood, go to
https://www.createspace.com/3877698
or
http://pattymackz.com/wordpress/book/

An Interview With Author And Emmy Winning Filmmaker- Melissa Peltier

Melissa, thanks for visiting Clara54’s writers forum. Your body of work is so amazing. I’m just going to introduce you as an emmy-award winning bestselling writer, filmmaker, producer and author. Please share some of your fascinating career highlights with us.

I feel that (so far) I’ve been incredibly fortunate to have had a varied and interesting career, though really, I see myself as more of an average worker bee in the industry than someone special. Of course I’d like to change that – and still have quite a “bucket list” of dreams and dream projects I’d like to create – but as you can probably guess from my novel, most ‘Reality TV’ isn’t on that list!

Looking back to these 25 plus years, I’d say I’m most proud of the longform documentary film projects I did with my mentor Arnold Shapiro (model for the “Marty Maltzman” character in Reality Boulevard), including Scared Silent: Exposing and Ending Child Abuse, hosted by Oprah Winfrey, which was simulcast on three networks and was, at the time, the most-watched television documentary in history. Break the Silence the follow-up, is another ASP project of which I’m very proud. I am also still immensely proud of my mini-series for A&E on the Titanic, which won two Emmy’s in 1995. Then of course, White Irish Drinkers, the indie feature film written and directed by my husband John Gray, which I produced (with Paul Bernard and Jim Scura) in 2010. We did it for $600,000 in 17 days and it’s a true indie gem.

You referenced your writing as “cathartic” and I’m sure many writers can agree on how freeing the creative process can be. What’s it like for you ,being ‘in the zone’ so to speak?

When I was in college, I wrote a lot of fiction and poetry and was so frequently ‘in the zone’ that my favorite place to write was the busy student union…because somehow the act of shutting out all the noise around me made my focus even stronger. I went many years without writing my own fiction (with the exception of a handful of dramatic scripts, only a few of which ever went anywhere.) Writing non-fiction books and television was a different, more intellectual process. Now that I am writing my own fiction again, I am so pleased to be back in that place – ‘the zone’ as you say – that I remember. It is amazing, how the characters speak through you and lead you down paths you never expected to go. In a few places in Reality Boulevard, characters would open their mouths and teach me lessons about myself and my life that I really needed to learn. That’s what writing is all about – it comes through you, from somewhere else (I’m a Jungian at heart and the collective unconscious describes a very real place for me) and your perceptions, history, and craft are the conduit. It’s a near magical experience. Of course, some days, it’s just a slog. But you have to do the slog days to get to the magic days.

Let’s talk about this exciting new novel! Tell us about Reality Boulevard.

!

Thank you! Reality Boulevard is set in present-day Hollywood, and its premise is a long-running, 16-year award-winning show about heroic first responders, cops, doctors, etc. called Lights and Sirens (for fun, drop in at http://www.lightsnsirensprod.com !) is unexpectedly and unceremoniously bumped off the air by an ambitious, recently-hired network executive (who would secretly like cancel all drama shows too, and turn her flagging broadcast network into all reality, all the time). Lights and Sirens producer, the quirky, loveable, Oscar-winning documentarian Marty Maltzman, and his loyal staff and crew suddenly find themselves out in the street in a world filled with Kardashians, Real Housewives and Survivors. The novel is about how they cope with this crass new Hollywood, and follows a number of different, colorful characters as they try and reconcile their dreams and idealism with what they must do to survive in a business that is (and has always been) ever-changing.

Reality Boulevard reads like a satire and many readers have called it “laugh out loud hilarious,” but the truth is, I wasn’t thinking “comedy” when I wrote it! Unfortunately much of it is more deadpan truism than satire. But I’ve been in that world a long time and truly, it satirizes itself. There are days when you feel like you’re living in an outlandish satire. Without a sense of humor about the absurd, it would be impossible to survive it!

Although your novel is fiction, I’m frankly embarrassed with some of the disturbing behaviors seen on these shows. Being a black woman and a celebrity blogger, I do call out ugly behaviors at my entertainment site. Is the stereotypical aspect of reality television a big part of executive behind the scenes decision making? Do you think viewers have become desentsitized to what they see on reality tv and how their children might also be affected?

I’ve been around the business a long time and have watched as, slowly, non-fiction/documentary television morphed into what we know today as Reality TV. It has been a gradual process, starting in the 90’s and really exploding on network with the arrival of Survivor in May of 2000. My stepdaughter and her friends were born in 1993 and watching their reaction to shows like The Hills and The Bachelor made me realize, these girls have never known a world without reality TV! I believe it has strongly colored their perceptions toward the world and not for the better. In fact, the Girl Scouts did a study on the effect of regular Reality TV viewing on 1100 girls. http://blog.girlscouts.org/2011/10/new-girl-scouts-research-exposes-impact.html A few of the results of the study showed some positive effects in the areas of leadership and ambition. But to my mind, many more of the results are quite frightening. The girls who watched more reality TV showed a markedly higher belief in the importance of physical appearance (like we women need more of that!), the idea that women have to outdo one another for a man’s attention, and that backstabbing and manipulation were viable life strategies for success – the normalization of the ‘mean girl’ stereotype.

The stereotypes perpetuated on Reality TV, when taken as a whole, are equally as disturbing. As a black woman, you have every right to be enraged! The racial stereotypes in reality TV (“Flavor of Love”; “Basketball Wives,” “Real Housewives of Atlanta.”) are appalling. The gender stereotypes are equally dangerous and I believe the Girl Scout study is the tip of the iceberg as to the subliminal damage they do to young women who are just beginning to develop their grown-up identities. An outstanding and very readable academic analysis of this can be found in Jennifer Pozner’s outstanding and impeccably researched book, Reality Bites Back: The Troubling Truth About Guilty Pleasure TV.” ( http://www.realitybitesbackbook.com )

Sadly, Reality TV could not exist without stereotypes. You see, it’s mostly not real. (I’m not talking about real docu-style shows or shows with reality-based formats like Hoarders, The Dog Whisperer, Intervention, Beyond Scared Straight, etc. here – there are still people who are trying to make redeeming TV. I’m talking about the average docu soap and many contest shows) The shows are conceived and greenlit in a cynical, reactive kind of way based on trying to capitalize on or outdo the success of what came before (although to be fair, all TV, film, theater, commercial art and publishing contains an element of this.) The “cast” – who are cast in much the same way a dramatic project is cast – are often wanna-be actors or even simply wanna-be celebs who don’t want to do the work to actually learn something for which to be famous. They just want to be famous – end of story. Their greatest talent is the ability to play and to improv a larger-than-life aspect of themselves that fits into a stereotypical niche. What most people don’t know is, much reality TV is actually what’s called “Soft-Scripted” – an absurd moniker if I’ve ever heard one! “Soft-Scripted” means that the situations, scenes, conflicts – even lines, from time to time (I know an agent of one of the top and most successful reality docu-soap TV ‘stars’ who dutifully passed on a full script to his client every week) are ‘written’ by someone who, for union reasons, can’t be called a ‘writer’, so he or she is called a “series editor” or “story producer,” or other bland title like that, that won’t alert the Writers Guild that something fishy is going on. It’s paint-by-numbers, lowest-common-denominator drama – if you can call it drama – but it’s very deliberately planned out. Then there are the on-scene “directors” – like writers, they are often simply called segment producers or field producers so the Directors Guild doesn’t get upset – who use any and every technique possible to create conflict and drama among the characters. This could include passing along rumors, to giving the participants alcohol (there’s a lot of that), to forcing the participants into dicey situations. There is enormous pressure on these field producers to bring back heightened spectacle for every episode. And enormous pressure on the editors and post-production producers to heighten that drama and conflict even more in the editing process.

I don’t want to come off as a crusader against reality TV because I’m not. I like being entertained by silly things and guilty pleasures, just like anyone. Television is an ever-changing business and there’s no point in railing against change. The genre itself will evolve like anything else, and maybe it’ll even die a natural death some day. In the meantime, a lot of people seem to love it.

What I want to do is shine a light on an aspect of reality TV that is unsavory and in my opinion, potentially harmful. For instance: I’d say to parents, don’t let your daughters sit and watch the Kardashians on their own. Use it as a teaching moment to discuss superficiality and materialism and let your children know that these situations are about as real as their school musical. When watching shows like Survivor, ask your kids questions about backstabbing behavior, forming factions, etc. as ways to win. What do they really win? (Look up the “where are they now” features about past winners and you’ll see how hollow their victories.) And I think discussing the concepts of fame and celebrity with your kids is important too, because many in this generation truly believe in the Andy Warhol edict – that it is their birthright to be famous. This can be dangerous, because often ‘anything goes’ in this quest (case in point: Tila Tequila). Help your kids develop other role models who actually have a true gift, a skill, an ability or a talent which they’ve honed through hard work.

In the film Iron Lady, Meryl Streep (a great role model for actors!) says, “Today, all everyone wants is to be somebody. In my day, we wanted to do something.” Teach your kids the difference between these two concepts, and reality TV will be far less harmful to them.

What is the reaction from inside the industry, now that you’ve given the world, Reality Boulevard?

My mentor, Arnold Shapiro, loved it, which is what mattered to me most. I know plenty of people who might not be happy about the portrait I paint in the book, but the novel makes a huge point of defending the worker bees in the business – the producers/field producers/story producers/whatever, the editors, the crews – because they too are victims of the market. People have to work, have to feed their families – especially in this economy – and they have to take the work that’s out there. One outcome from the book is, I’ve received lots of private communications from people around my age with years and years in the business, who are paying mortgages and putting kids through college and although the business was quite different when we all started out in the ‘80’s, they aren’t in any position to change career directions at this point in life. Some are indeed upset by and ashamed of some of the work they do, but they still have to put food on the table.

I also wanted people reading the novel to understand that the majority of people who work in the film/television industry are not rich by any toss of the coin. What outsiders call “Hollywood” is mostly peopled by a huge group of middle class workers – creative people and technical people – who work insanely long hours with incredible dedication, for fair but not excessive wages. Without union protection, most have to pay their own (and their kids’) health insurance premiums. They also work from project to project. When a show is cancelled, they have to find a new job. Reality TV has lowered wages across the board, so they’re not only creative victims, they’re financial victims as well.

Where can readers purchase a copy of your book?

My book is only available in eBook at the moment, through Apostrophe Books http://www.apostrophebooks.com – through Amazon, iBooks, Kobo, and hopefully B&N soon if Nook gets its act together! You can also visit my author website at http://www.melissajopeltier.com.

Melissa, it was such a pleasure, having you here. I can’t wait until my readers and your new fans weigh in!

It’s been a pleasure; you ask great questions!

Did you guys enjoy the interview with Melissa? What’s your take on Reality TV?

Freelance Fiction Authors…

Happy Wednesday, Writers! I haven’t decided if I’ll be posting twice a week at my new forum for writers and authors, but, things are heating up and authors are on board to share their expertise in evey imaginable genre! So, in order to not overwhelm my storytellers (you guys!) or give too much of a good thing at one sitting, I’ll be interrupting your usual Friday’s with other exciting news. I hope you all enjoyed Angela Meredith’s contribution to the forum, Beyond The Basics of Good Writing. Thanks Angela!

I’ve been working REALLY hard at maintaining my blogs (three) and the effort is truly paying off. I felt I needed one day of other folks company, so I stepped away from the computer on Tuesday and spent a great day just hanging out and enjoying the moments (beautiful & fun) of course, I sent out the envelope containing my completed Mirror Monologue (happily)

You guys do know, March 31st is the deadline to enter this playwriting competition? There are quite a few guidelines to follow- sending your work via snail mail is only one stipulation. Here’s the link one more time: http://www.themirrormonologues.com/about-us/

Another great looking competition I have my eye on, is The Annual Bristol Short Story Contest at http://www.bristolprize.co.uk/

Self published fiction authors can serve as paid consultants at Callisto Media in Berkeley, Ca. Your self-publisshed books must have reached Amazon’s sales rank of 10,000 or more. The perks are that you get to work from home and from any location. Speaking of locale? I have a great romance author whose newest release of steamy fiction will take you for a roller coaster ride! Have you ever wondered about all the stuff that goes on behind the scenes of Reality TV?

An upcoming heart to heart with a Hollywood Insider will keep you on the edge of your computer chair! Her new book is a bestseller and methinks, people in the industry might be up in arms about it:)

Like I said, so much good stuff to share and perhaps entice you to get cracking on your next or new novel is coming your way in the months to follow. Also , make sure you guys visit Angie’s Diary for my latest Women’s History Month article “A Woman’s Story” here: http://angiesdiary.com/psychology/self-improvement/a-womans-story/..

Let’s meet back here on Friday, okay? If you come across any good news for writers & authors, feel free to share with us at the forum.

Writers Retreat Fellowships From A Room of Her Own…

I don’t know about you guys, but, I’ve always wanted to attend a writer’s retreat! I’ve spent many a summer vacation sequestered in a cabin, away from the hustle and bustle of big city life with family and loved ones. Although relaxing with family amid the ambiance of Mother Nature is always a welcome reprieve, it’s not quite how I’ve envisioned my “writer’s time”.

A Room of Her Own- a foundation for women writers and artists recently provided a listing of upcoming Writers Retreat Fellowships for 2013. Applications & fellowship-sponsorship information is included at their website. The site also offers women writers the opportunity to apply for their Artist-in Residence Fellowship with a deadline of February 1st. Below are Retreat fellowships being offered:

The Courage Fellowship
for Survivors of Domestic Violence &/or Sexual Assault

The Edna Payne Clarke Fellowship
for an African American Woman/Woman of the African Diaspora

The Spirited Woman Foundation Fellowship
for a woman who is changing the world one spirited woman step at a time

The 9 ¾ Fellowship
for a single mother whose passion for her children takes precious time away from her writing

The Blackbird Fellowship
for a woman who is ready to soar

Apply by February 1st to be considered for these and other Fellowships. Spread the word to any woman who might be eligible and interested!

Have you attended a Writers Retreat? What were your experience like?